Winter Storm Worry

A winter storm is coming. Heavy snow. Cold, cold for New York. The city is sending out warnings. Be prepared. Especially old people. You didn’t need to remind me. I can feel it.

We live in an old house, have lived here over thirty years. Old pipes. Once, years ago, the pipes in the kitchen froze, burst. What a mess. We had an electric heater installed and haven’t had a problem since, but still we worry. They’re predicting a foot of snow – a lot for New York – and anticipating power outages. If the electricity goes off, we’ll lose the heat in the kitchen. Who knows, if the oil burner shuts off, if it will go back on without electrify?

And we have Dee’s mom to be worry about. She’s 93 and lives alone. We can’t bring her to our house because she can’t manage the stairs. Dee will stay at her mom’s until the storm passes. What if she loses electricity? And with a foot of snow, will her aides get there? I should stay home, to turn off the water if a pipe bursts.

That’s when I feel the anxiety. What if something happens while I’m alone? My car doesn’t have four-wheel drive. This much snow and my car is off the road for days. I’ll be stranded in the house. Lying in bed with my anxiety, it became clear: No, I won’t be staying home alone. I’ll go to with Dee to her mom’s. We’ll be together. If the pipes burst, we’ll deal with the mess. Together. And then I feel better. I’m still a bit anxious about the pipes, but I’m okay.

This fear is new, and I know where it comes from. I used to have a doctor and a dentist. That used to be enough. Now my cardiologist is an important person in my life, and I’ve recently acquired a urologist and neurologist. I’m not as independent as I used to be. I don’t dare shovel. I’m feeling sorry for myself, and then I think of friends my age, Jim in Maine and Peter in Denver, who are living alone. How are they coping? They’re not complaining. I check my weather app. It’s 10 degrees colder in Maine, and they have snow coming too. It’s even colder in Colorado. Should I just buck up?

It’s not that I couldn’t manage on my own, but Dee and I just celebrated our thirtieth anniversary, and it’s a long-time since I’ve dealt with a real crisis alone. For sure, I’m out of practice. I could learn. Jim learned. Peter learned.

I just don’t want to. We’re blessed with this time in our lives. Dee and I, although one or the other of us seems to be going to a doctor all the time, are in good enough health to enjoy our life together, to take some great vacations.

It’s this Buddhist thing that’s a problem: nothing is permanent. Nothing is forever. The odds are overwhelming that one or the other of us will end up alone, a whole new stage in life, a whole new experience. Things will change. I’m older. It’s less likely to be me, but, if I have to, I imagine that somehow I’ll figure a way to cope. I’ll call Jim, I’ll call Peter, I’ll ask for advice. How did you do it? In the meantime, I’m in no hurry. I’ll keep my dependent togetherness going as long as I can.