Gratitude Day

What’s my problem with Thanksgiving? It’s not that I’m cynical although I smile when I think about Macy’s inventing the holiday to kick off the Christmas shopping season. And it’s not that I’m against saying thanks. I always loved the idea of the Pilgrims thanking the indigenous folks for helping them through their first winter at Plymouth. As far as I’m concerned, Thanksgiving would have been a better choice for Indigenous People’s Day. “Thank you” can be a great practice, and we’ll come back to it next time.

The problem is that when we’re sitting around the dining room table, we’re not thanking the Indians (if I can be allowed to use the politically incorrect term). We’re not even leaving an empty seat at the table (ala Passover) for the native Elijah. It’s not, “What am I giving thanks for?” that throws me off. It’s the “Who am I giving thanks to?”

Who are the others giving thanks to? The divine other? Not me. I’m such a nontheist. I have always been a nontheist, often envious of those who were comforted by their God. I came by my nontheism honestly: my parents were devout atheists. When I got old enough to say who I was, secure enough to be different, I embraced agnosticism, however regretfully. As far as I was concerned, none of us could know with certainty what happens when we die. And for certain, all of us will find out.

If I’m not giving thanks – to whom? – what am I doing? I can feel it. I’m sharing a moment of total gratitude. The moment is absolutely perfect. Present in that moment with everyone in my life, those who are there with us around the table, those far away, some I haven’t seen in years, some who died so many years ago, all those I’ve never met, all present in a moment of gratitude. Shared.

I recall the Buddha’s enlightenment story. Sitting in meditation under the Bodhi tree, on seeing the morning star, the Buddha declares, “I and all sentient beings together achieve enlightenment.” I understood the idea, but I could never really grok what he was saying. At that moment, Shakyamuni and all beings were enlightened. But I didn’t feel enlightened. What was I missing?

I am sitting under my bodhi tree, just breathing. It’s not that I’m feeling gratitude. I am gratitude.  No, it’s not I. It’s just gratitude. There is nothing else. I and all beings together experience gratitude.

This Thanksgiving holiday occurs once a year. I celebrate my gratitude daily. Not every moment. There are moments when I’m caught up in disappointments and frustrations, but when I catch myself and just breath, the gratitude flows back. Wonderful.

All these years, I’ve been wondering about this elusive, mysterious experience of enlightenment. If this feeling of gratitude is not enlightenment, what is it?