“I love humanity but I hate people” ~ Edna St. Vincent Millay

It’s not enough to be “for” world peace. Ultimately, my peacemaking begins with me. I have to make peace with myself, with my demons, the aspects of myself which shame and frighten me, which I lock in a closet. I have to let them out of the closet. “Come and join me on my cushion.”

Peacemaking grows out from that center toward what Roshi Bernie, the mathematician, called the “infinite circle,” the boundary, or perhaps non-boundary, that includes everything and everyone. Making peace, “bringing to the societal table those who have been excluded,” is a big vow, an impossible vow, like all the other Bodhisattva vows. Where do we begin? Bernie was pointing us to take the step that was right in front of us.

Heal yourself. Then what? Take care of your family. Make peace with the cousin you haven’t spoken to in years. Call the friend who hasn’t been answering your texts. Practicing peacemaking, move outwards to your community, to your nodding acquaintances and strangers. As you practice, your circle is expanding, you’re building your peacemaking muscle. Are you ready to include people you’re angry at, people who have done you wrong? Keep practicing until your circle is including the “evil” people, until you’re ready to join them on your cushion.

This all sounds very linear. Life is rarely so orderly. My demon work is unending. Happily, Roshi Bernie told me, “In our practice, we go up and down the mountain at the same time.” I work with my demons, and I find myself at almost every step face-to-face with Others who frighten me. Can I invite them to the table? Bernie called it, “Healing Ourselves and Others.” 

I move up the mountain and I move back down. There is no steady progress toward the infinite circle. It is easy to get so excited by peacemaking that I forget to do the laundry. So where do we begin? We heal others as we heal ourselves. We heal ourselves as we heal others. So where do we begin? Does it really matter? Just begin.