Life is Loss

Maybe we don’t realize it until we get up there in years. Then we see it all around us. Friends die. Institutions crumble. What can we do to avoid this pain?

There is a story passed back and forth among Buddhists that attachments are the cause of suffering. As the story goes, we can get rid of our suffering by getting rid of our attachments. We can begin by letting go of stuff. Every time a bag of clothes that I haven’t worn in years goes off to the Viet Nam Vets I feel better. I don’t have to worry about losing what I don’t have.

But the story ain’t just about stuff. Don’t try to build anything. All buildings crumble. Trying to accomplish anything can only lead to disappointment, to pain. I’ve had the good fortune to be part of several wonderful organizations which brought innovative human services to people who had been left behind. None have survived, at least not in the form or with the mission they had when I was part of their creation. I am sad that they are not what they used to be, and I am grateful that they were what they were.

The story doesn’t stop there. Don’t attach to other people. Relationships will only lead to pain. Don’t fall in love. Certainly, don’t get married. Don’t have children. No friends for sure. We’re all going to die if nothing else intervenes. Save yourself the heartbreak. All attachments will eventually lead to suffering because nothing is permanent, everything will end. I went to a wake recently of someone I’d worked with. He died at 45, much too young. I was glad to see him again, grateful that he had been part of my life.

Here’s an alternative story. Suffering arises from the desire to escape from impermanence. The alternative path is to plunge into attachment, knowing that loss and sadness are inevitable. It takes a leap of faith. Embrace impermanence. That is where the release is, in

the acceptance of impermanence which is not an effort to escape from impermanence.