Tetsuji

This is the fourth in our series of meanderings from space through place to legacy. It has been thirty years since Bernie gave me my dharma name, “Tetsuji.”

Although Bernie had said, “Two teachers are okay,” I knew, as part of my commitment to serving as Jishu’s first shuso, that my day-to-day study would be with her. I was working with her preparing for Tokudo, the first step on the priest path, and I still hadn’t taken Jukai. “Since I’ll be taking Tokudo with you,” I asked Jishu, “would it be okay if I received Jukai from Bernie?”

Jishu nodded, “Ask Bernie.” Bernie agreed, so there I was, one of four receiving Jukai in a Saturday morning ceremony. The others would receive from Jishu. Around the middle of the ceremony, you receive your dharma name. What would Bernie call me? When my turn came, Bernie announced, “Tetsuji.” I only heard the “Tetsu.” Bernie was “Tetsugen.” I almost fell over. Bernie explained, “Tetsu” was the first ideogram of his name; “Ji” was the first ideogram of Jishu’s name. I was rocked beyond thinking. At the end of the ceremony, as we processed out through the convent courtyard, Jishu, who was behind me, poked me in ribs. “Now, maybe you understand how much you mean to us.” I didn’t understand, but “Tetsuji” is a koan to which I keep returning. Jishu has been gone now 27 years. Bernie has been gone almost seven. This month reflecting on legacy, I’ve come back to “Tetsuji” again. What is this legacy that I am holding?

On Bernie’s birthday -- was it the first after his passing? -- I invited his successors and his kids to gather on zoom to remember, to celebrate, to bear witness to our gratitude. Not long after, we began organizing celebrations of Bernie’s passing on the Zen Peacemaker zoom platform, and then we added another offering, for Jishu on her memorial day. We collected The Bernie Koans from his successors and got them published. I’m teaching “Bernie” on the Peacemaker platform, a series on Instructions to the Cook, then the koan collection, now Bearing Witness. I’m introducing Bernie to people, most of whom never met him.

There was a time, during covid when Chris Panos and Paco Lugovina and I were meeting weekly on zoom, and we talked a lot about carrying on Bernie’s legacy. There were so many pieces of Bernie’s legacy and so many successors, but Chris and Paco and I were among the very few who had hold of Bernie’s social entrepreneurship dharma. I’ve been retired now three years, and I’m no longer doing my entrepreneurship thing. I’m sharing my memories.

Finally, after all these years, I’m finally settling into “Tetsuji.” Who is Tetsuji? This is a variant on the great koan moment when the emperor asks Bodhidharma, “Who are you?” For years, I’ve had no more or less than Bodhidharma’s “Don’t know.”

Today, there’s an answer. “I am one who remembers Bernie Tetsugen and Jishu.” What about tomorrow? Don’t know.