What’s in a Name?

I’ve been working with this koan for a long time, thirty years at least, since that early Ox Class when Jishu introduced us to “Who are you?” I didn’t know then that she was leading us into the longish story of Bodhidharma’s arrival in China and his meeting with the emperor. Bodhidharma has managed to piss off the emperor. When the emperor asks, “Who is facing me?” I hear, “Who the hell do you think you are?” Bodhidharma replies, “Don’t know,” one of the great moments in Zen.

In the discussion which followed, Bernie, who was there that evening, told a story. “Growing up, I was always Bernie until Maezumi Roshi gave me a Dharma name, ‘Tetsugen.’ After that I was Tetsugen until Maezumi made me a teacher. Then I became ‘Sensei.’ Today, no one calls me ‘Bernie’ except my sisters. People who have known me since the early days at ZCLA, some of them still call me ‘Tetsugen’. Most people now call me ‘Sensei’.” Years later, after he received Inka, Bernie became “Roshi.” And then, in the last years of his life, he went back to being “Bernie.”  Too many of us were putting him on a pedestal, were hearing his words as gospel. Bernie didn’t want that. In those last years of his life, he was always “Bernie” to me and “Grandpa Bernie” to Morrigan.

Bernie and Bodhidharma were saying the same thing. Don’t confuse the label with the what’s there. Bernie, Tetsugen, Sensei, Roshi, Bernie again. Labels change. Maybe Bernie’s names are emblematic of different moments in his life. Now, Bernie’s in a different phase. He’s been gone more than seven years now. Is he still just “Bernie”? Well, he’s not just one of the guys, someone I used to know, although he is that too. He is one of the most important of the first generation of American Zen teachers. But when I talk about “Bernie,” do people think he was just one of the guys? Let’s be clear. Bernie was just one of the guys and he was also more than that. Maybe in this phase of his life, he’s “Roshi Bernie.”