“You don’t make peace with friends. You make it with very unsavory enemies.” -- Yitzhak Rabin

A lot of us think of ourselves as peacemakers, but we only talk to our friends. It’s more comfortable that way. We maintain friendships by avoiding the topics which could lead to blow outs. We go to summer barbeques with relatives from the other side of the divide. We maintain the “peace” by avoiding the hot topics, politics for sure, maybe religion, maybe we just agree not to mention Cousin Charlotte or Uncle Joey. Why aren’t they at the barbeque? They weren’t invited. We’re keeping the “peace.”

Sometimes we get together with people who agree with us – maybe we call it a meeting, maybe we call it a retreat – and we congratulate ourselves on being good people. We can talk about how bad the “others” are or, if we’re feeling charitable, how sad it is that the “others” don’t see things the way we do. It can be a very feel-good moment. We might find ourselves looking forward to the next meeting or retreat. It’s okay – we don’t have to beat ourselves up for enjoying feel-good meetings or feel-good movies – but it’s not peacemaking.

If we want to make peace, we have to get ourselves into a room with “other,” and we have to listen. What does that mean, “listen”? We have to be willing to learn something, and not just from the people we respect. We have to be willing to learn from the people we don’t respect, from the “unsavory.” If learning is going to happen, we have to enter the room open to the possibility that we don’t know, to listen, and then we have to say something. It’s hard to say something once we’ve admitted to ourselves that we don’t know, that we’re not sure that what we’re saying is true. “Don’t know” and say it anyway. And then listen again. If we speak and listen from not-knowing and if we stay in the room, maybe peace will arise. Maybe not. Whether it works this time, in this room, or not, it’s still the only way to make peace.