All the Ingredients of My Life

Bernie taught me to use all the ingredients of my life to prepare what he called the “supreme meal.” We don’t use every ingredient in every recipe – we’re not emptying the spice shelf into every pot – but all the ingredients have value. Each one is there to be appreciated and used. This teaching came up for me as I looked at the first words of the Gatha of Atonement, “All evil karma.” Why just the evil karma? Why not all the ingredients of my life?

“Evil” was never the right word for me anyway. “Evil” wasn’t the right word for a lot of people. When Dee and I met with Bernie to prep for our wedding, Bernie went over the marriage ceremony and asked if there was anything that made us uncomfortable. Yes, Dee was uncomfortable with “evil.” Bernie asked if “twisted karma” worked for her. Dee was happy with “twisted,” and that was the word he used in our wedding.

When it came time to transfer ownership of the bakery from ZCNY to The Greyston Foundation – the bakery which Bernie began as a livelihood for Zen students had quickly morphed into a life-transforming opportunity for the formerly homeless of southwest Yonkers – years of resentment rose to the surface. Some Zen students who’d been instrumental in getting the bakery off the ground felt betrayed by the change in mission. Jishu asked me to see what I could do with “Bernie’s jagged karma.” "Jagged" not "evil." I talked to a lot of former Zen students. I don’t think I was successful in healing many wounds.

Changing “evil” to “jagged” was an obvious fix. But what about karma? If I’ve shifted atonement from repentance to being-at-one-with, why just jagged karma? Shouldn’t I be one with it all? Karma, the law of cause and effect covers all action – good, bad, neutral – not just sin. All previous actions bear fruit. Everything that has contributed to my conditioning, everything that makes me who I am, is part of the right-now, ever-changing moment. It’s not just the actions which grew out of greed, anger, and ignorance. It’s all the wonderful and beautiful stuff too. And it’s not just what I’ve done which conditions my life. There are all the intergenerational joys and sorrows. They are all part of who I am. Our practice, my practice, is to be one with it all. It’s all the ingredients of my life. I’ve taken a stab at a new wording of the Gatha of Atonement.

All the ingredients of my life,

All my actions and experiences

And those of my parents and ancestors,

Those remembered and those which have left only traces,

Those of which I am proud and those of which I am ashamed or enraged,

Now I am at one with them all.

Where does this new wording lead us? Where does it leave the Day of Reflection? I'll ponder that for a week.