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IN THE BARDO


Am I being paranoid?
I came to Zen with my Adlerian analysis under my belt and with years of training in psychoanalytic therapy. I had these tools for dealing...


Why Auschwitz?
Auschwitz, the Nazi death camp, was never on my list of go-to places. There were plenty of other places I was hoping to visit. And yet, I...


Toxic Friendships: A Third Alternative
We talked about two alternatives, dive deeper or walk away . There’s a third. I call this the lesson of the beard. I grew my first...


Toxic Friendships: Walk Away
We’ve talked about the first step, admitting to yourself that you’re involved in a toxic relationship and you’re suffering. You know...


Toxic Friendships: Dive Deeper
Do you know them when you see them? Do you believe it when you feel it? When you do, it’s a breakthrough moment. Then you can begin to do...


What should we talk about?
If you are reading this blog, you’re important to me. What are you interested in? When you come to a new blog post, what are you hoping...


If you fail, I fail
This morning, because I’m part of a Zen teacher email group, I received a missive from a Dharma sister, a wonderful teacher from whom...


The Buddha of the Small Following
I have always wanted acclaim. I have always imagined the applause. What a craving. Craving is Greed. The Buddha warned us. Greed can...


Me and My Body
I get together with old friends to share a meal – I try to see each one at least once a month – or if they live too far away, to talk on...


Talking the Talk
It took me a long while to make two of my Zen students “Dharma Holders.” That designation means that I think they’re on the path to...


Remembering Jishu
Bernie talked all the time about Indra’s Net, the Buddhist representation of the interconnectedness of all things. It was a metaphor for...


The Elder Factor
What’s an elder? “Elder” wasn’t in my vocabulary until Bernie made Peter Matthiessen and Bob Lee “Zen Peacemaker elders.” He used 80 as...


Please Turn Your Cameras On
I have been telling people for years, when I talk about the Three Treasures, that Sangha is not my strong suit. In those moments, I am...


The Balancing Act
The original Buddhist teacher, Shakyamuni, called it the middle way, to steer a course to peace by avoiding extremes. My teacher, Bernie...


Zen Mothers
I had initially thought that I might hold this blog back until Mother’s Day. I was horrified – as soon as I came upon them – by the...


Survivor’s Guilt
I spent 12 years as founding president of Integration Charter Schools, building a network of schools which provided opportunities for the...


Unforgiving Buddha
It took me a while to become the Unforgiving Buddha. It wasn’t easy. I was in Jishu ’s precept class, working with non-anger, and my...


Succession Screw-Ups
Succession is a big deal in Zen and in most organizations. Recently, I acknowledged at lunch with Theresa and Ron that I had made...


To Tell the Truth
How do you tell the truth? How do I tell the truth? I’ve been working on this question a long time. Francine Prose quotes Hemingway’s...


Birthdays
It bothers me that I still can’t remember my mom’s birthdate. I don’t have any childhood memories of her birthdays. What I remember from...


Going Gray
Two years ago, filling out my passport renewal application, likely for the last time, I stumbled on my height. I’ve been getting shorter...


Lifelong Learning
When I invited the teachers who’d told me that they’d already found their dream job to put down on paper what it was that made our...


Zazen
Listening to Bernie and Genpo talking about what, if any, were the absolutely essential ingredients of Zen, it disturbed me when they...


Don't Forget Me
I am listening to a decade-old conversation between Bernie and Genpo , their reflection on forty years of friendship and Zen practice. I...


“I’ve Got It”
It has never been easy for me to talk about kensho, the big “I’ve Got It,” the direct experience of the oneness of life without at least...


Succession
“When the student is ready, the teacher will come.” I have been intrigued for years by the notion that when the teacher is ready, the...


Building Spiritual Muscle
Last week, Dr. Gala put in my third and fourth stents, nine months after he’d done the first two. He’d expected to do them last spring,...


No Merit
The account of Bodhidharma ’s meeting with Emperor Wu, the first case in The Blue Cliff Record , is one of those koans to which I return...


Working With Koans
When I have talked about koan study, I have often noted how little instruction I received in how to actually work with a koan. The advice...


Rewriting
It’s almost two years now since I ventured back into fiction writing. In high school, I fancied myself a fiction writer. In college...


Enlightenment Day
It has been 52 years since my father passed, three days after his birthday, in 1972. I had just turned 30. His birthday, December 8, was...


Practicing Zazen
We are told as beginning Zen students to notice our thoughts and let them go. As a beginning Zen teacher, I repeated that instruction. It...


Imagining ZCLA
The Zen Center of Los Angeles occupies a special place in the history of American Zen and a very special place in my Zen iconography. It...


Creations are Numberless
Even before I began to sit regularly, I was attracted by the image of the Bodhisattva, the heroic – to me -- Zen figure who defers his...


Oh, Alice
On the end table in Vinnie’s waiting room, opened, waiting for me was a magazine story about Alice Munro. The evening before, eating a...


Bernie & Gutei
There are koans that I keep returning to. Gutei’s one-finger Zen is one. Maybe it is wasted on most students in our lineage because we...


Manresa
Only about once in 7 years does September 10 occur on a Tuesday. This was one of those years, the 22nd anniversary of the second coming...


Attachment
So much of Zen practice is about working with our attachments. I’d caught a glimpse of the danger of attachments before I got to Zen. My...


Prajna
Avalokiteshvara Bodhisattva, doing deep Prajna Paramita, perceived the emptiness of all five conditions and was freed from pain. With...


Atonement
Bernie taught me atonement. It was one of his many gifts to me. The first time I heard him talk about atonement as “being at one with,”...


Disrobing
Michael O’Keefe wrote a beautiful piece on disrobing for Tricycle . Zen monks get their robes during Tokudo, the first step on the path...


Householder Zen
I find myself a proponent of householder Zen as the way of practice of American Zen. “Very self-serving of me,” you might say. And of...


The Flower and the Smile
Transmission of the Dharma, the passing of the teaching mantel to the next generation, is at the heart of Zen. It is one of our origin...


Rescinding
One of my Dharma brothers has apparently rescinded a transmission because his successor’s sexual conduct offended him or because his...


The Unpublished Buddha
Life is interesting. When we went back to the surgeon, I wasn’t sure what to expect. It was possible he would say I was done, but my...


Growing Old
This is my first experiment with the I Ching way of koan study. I had this idea a few weeks ago. I’m just getting around to trying it....


Fear of Finishing
I am at a point where Zen Imperfections needs one more clean-up, and it will then be ready to go out in search of a publisher. I can feel...


Dragon Taming
It must have been early in my days with Roshi Bob Kennedy, at one of my early sesshins with him at St. Ignatius in Manhasset, that I had...


A New Koan Practice?
When I was working with the I Ching, I often had the experience of the Sage answering not the question which I had consciously posed and...


My Jishu Koan
During the pandemic isolation, Roshis Paco Lugovina, Chris Panos, and I kept busy by putting together The Bernie Koans. We reached out to...


Oh, Dirk.
In Zen funerals, we talk directly to the departed. I am at a loss for words. I am hoping that words will come. I am picturing you....


Bringing to the Societal Table Those Who Have Been Excluded
This has been the expression of my vow since I found the words in Bernie’s Instructions to the Cook. “Bringing to the societal table...


Visionary Leadership
This has to be the Zen practice. I love the story of the Golden City which the Buddha tells in the Lotus Sutra. It has inspired me. It is...


Magic
Catching the magic is sometimes not so easy. Stumbling into the magic of success is not something to be taken for granted. It has always...


What is Social Action?
The selflessness of social action is not self-neglect just as self-care is not self-neglect. There are four phrases that come to mind,...


No.
What is my “No!” When do I shout it? Do I really shout? “No!” Jesse and Theresa Peterford first met at ICS. Theresa, star teacher, chief...


Infinite Onion
Delusions are inexhaustible, I vow to transform them. When I was doing koan practice with Jishu, very briefly in the last year of her...


Infinite Circle
We were serving special needs students at double the district rate. As we have built our schools, I have been guided by, anchored in an...


Mother's Day 2020
Zen’s relationship to mothers has always seemed a bit strange. Mother’s Day, 2020 is also the twenty-fifth anniversary of Maezumi Roshi’s...


Zen Budgeting Through the COVID-19 Pandemic
No one likes budget cuts. They are always painful. This was shaping up to be our most painful budget. Business people say when they are...


The Zen of Budgeting
Coming Soon, a case study in Zen Budgeting: Budgeting through the Covid-19 Pandemic. I am too grandmotherly. The Gateless Gate is the...


Oh, Richard
At a Zen funeral, we talk directly to the person who has left us. Oh, Richard, thinking of you, I smile. We had so much more to do. So...
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The Recovering Workaholic Retires
How do you step from a 100-foot pole? Over and over again. The unending inward journey of Zen. Who am I? Really? Who are all these...

Ken Byalin
Sep 22, 20226 min read
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Twenty Years
A monk asked Toshi, “Is it true that ‘All sounds are the voice of the Buddha’?” Toshi said, “Yes.” The monk said, “Don’t fart.” Toshi hit...

Ken Byalin
Sep 14, 20229 min read
51
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The End
The end begins on a sunny day at Shea Stadium, the Spring of 1972, the bosses secretary liked me, offered me two tickets or Saturday...

Ken Byalin
Sep 7, 20228 min read
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